SCoPE - BCcampus Learning + Teaching

There is a huge occurrence of cowards in romantic relationships nowadays, who no longer want to be part of all that was perfect and fun at one time. They weasel their way on out by pulling a classic no-call/no-show with the distinction of it lasting forever instead of a day. They don’t give a crap about the person they left behind, not even enough to offer up a decent argument or explanation.

Instead, they just go on their merry way, conscience and mind delighted in the fact they never have to see you again.

Didn’t breakups at one time, in a sense of tradition and of decent gesture, require us to offer the “dumpee” an explanation, an apology and maybe even the minimal 15 or so minutes usually needed to let them know it isn’t working out? I always thought that people should respect each other by being honest and forthright, especially when it comes to considering say the two, maybe three years of time they’ve invested in the relationship? Doesn’t it seem logical that to get closure, one would have to close out and not leave any loose ends swinging?

One of my favorite dating site has a question and answer forum where many anonymous people go to seek advice on this very situation. They are on the receiving end of what is now referred to as the “fade away”. I will define this term more closely in just a second.

First, I want to point out that the irony here lies within the vast realm of current and ever-expanding technology- that we can easily let people down via email, text, on the phone, through IM, etc. It has never been so easy for us to shrivel in the face of opposition and hide safely behind these devices and from what I’ve heard, they are used very regularly for this purpose.

Now back to the “fade away” thing. A fade away is defined as “the dumper who leaves a relationship without even so much as allowing the dumpee to catch a glimpse of their vanishing taillights”. Not an email, not a voice mail nor a snail mail. Just nothing short of nothing.

The dumper feels absolutely no recourse in offering any justification or reasoning, they just disappear into thin air without a trace. Of course, the first thing that comes to my mind, and hopefully yours, is the painful disposition in which the dumpee can’t sleep at night and is thoroughly plagued with unanswered questions and agonizing “what-ifs”.

I myself have never been on the receiving end of a fade away, in the romantic sense, and I’ve never had it in me to be so coldhearted and callous as to throw caution to the wind and just walk away without looking back. Although in 7^th grade, I at least had the courtesy to have my best friend handwrite and deliver to my unsuspecting ex-boyfriend a “Dear John” letter on my behalf. He was my boyfriend for a solid two weeks. Hey, I’m not perfect but at least it was something.

On this anonymous website and among others, I read countless stories from men and women who confess with utter distaste and contempt, their significant other of X amount of months or years “won’t return my calls, is ignoring my texts, and is nowhere to be found”. They are desperate for answers and they seek closure and the horribly bitter taste of the unknown is a tough pill to swallow. I fervently sympathize with these people, who are at a sheer loss, who often blame themselves for the dumper’s inconsiderate apathy, and are forced to move on so suddenly without ever really being able to truly move on.

So any of you out there, who are reading this, who may be the unfortunate recipients of such a spineless error of lame judgment, I’d like to write to you, an apology letter on behalf of your cowardice fade away dumpers:

Dear Unsuspecting Dumpee,

Let me first offer my deepest apologies to you for not telling you I was leaving. It was the most rotten thing I could ever do to you.

However, I would be lying if I sat here and said that I actually took your feelings into consideration. In my selfish and uncaring soul lies no conscience in which it would be possible for me to feel anything but no remorse.

Yes, I am lower than that of which lines the bottom of a swamp and I deserve nothing but the worst in regard from you and any other who will be so unfortunate to take your place.

One day, I too might realize that my life is worthless without you in it and by then it will be far too late to ask you for another chance. The truth is, I don’t deserve another chance. I don’t deserve even a second thought from you, nor am I able to give you everything that you deserve in life. Things like compassion, respect, loyalty and accountability.

You will someday find someone much better than me, who will give you all these things that I could never provide you or anyone else. By then, you will have forgotten my name and hopefully forgiven what I’d done.

Regrettably Yours,

The Dumper

P.S.

I’m hiding out from the world because I can’t face it head on, which may very well be evident in other aspects of my life. All I’ve ever known how to do is run away because I’m afraid of confrontation and hurting people. But that doesn’t vindicate me from being an unaccountable patronizing jerk.