Sue Hellman

I want to congratulate everyone who persevered with this process until the end of the week. I have learned a lot about how different teachers approach the task of writing their TPSs. Thank you for the opportunity to do that.  I'm looking forward to restructuring this course based my observations re: what parts of the process caused various people difficulties. 

The one thing that has been confirmed to me is that how dedicated this group of teachers is to ensuring students receive their best. None have taken an easy path or retreated from the challenges of the job. I wish I'd had the pleasure of being your student. 

(I've made one final addition under tab 4B: a comprehensive checklist cobbled together from 3 different sources. If I responded to your first or second draft, you'll find one attached.)

Parting thought: 

Effective teaching -- "the thoughtful orchestration of conditions to promote and generate long lasting learning" -- is part art, part craft, part science, and a whole lot of alchemy (In Search of Quality Teaching (2007) from http://questioning.org/sep04/qt.html). 

HI Cindy, 

I think you've actually come a long way this week. When you are asked to write your TPS, a lot of the pre-thinking will be done. If you want to do one when you're in your new position, you might wait until the end of semester or year 1. Use it as a way to look back at what you thought would work and what turned out to be effective. We didn't anticipate that everyone would get much past the first draft in such a short time. This is one of the most difficult documents an educator can be asked to write. It takes time for thoughts to gel and a picture to emerge. In the meantime you have identified some priorities to take with you into your new work.  

Good luck in the new job. 

-S

Hi Gina, 

First I want to thank you for making time to respond to Leonne's first draft. I found your comments spot on -- very similar to what I'd have said, but because you have a personal relationship they'd be easier to take on board/

That's been my dilemma with this peer review process -- how to make my comments useful without going overboard. I spent the night creating a checklist to help me depersonalize the process a little, but then I decided that if you writers had the courage to share, I could have the same courage to respond.

I think the sentence "I no longer seek to 'change people's lives', but instead to help people change their own lives." is very powerful. I also love the waitress comparison. It made me smile and showing that you have a sense of humour is great in a TPS. That entire paragraph exemplifies how to show the reader what you do and how you do it instead of using general statements to describe it -- again spot on. That's what you need more of. 

You might ask yourself what could you strip away from the other paragraphs without losing your main idea? What can you live without in this piece?  Think of this like moving from a big house with loads of storage space into a tiny home -- what will you take with you? What would you have to leave behind -- however reluctantly? 

Then make a list of all the things you do to help your students achieve that wonderful goal, cluster them into 3-4 key practices and develop an example to show how you make the magic happen. Examples could include teaching and assessment techniques, an incident that happened in class, your content design, use of technology (if you do), the way you interact with the learners -- as long as they illustrate how you and your students achieve that goal of learning to change their own lives. If you can't think of an example or want an alternative technique, you can back up your choice with a brief summary of some influential reading or research. Showing that your decisions are evidence based is important to many TPS readers. It gives your writing a 'scholarly edge' :-)  Your reference to 'border pedagogy' is a case in point, but I could use more -- perhaps a definition, an example, and how it furthers your goal -- to understand what it is and how it underpins your work. 

Finally try to revise in sections -- each with a sub-theme and adding to a bigger picture of how you meet that goal. I might reserve the conclusion for writing about how you'd like to refine or expand your techniques in future. 

The only other advice I have is to be sure of punctuation and sentence structure in your final version, esp. if you're going to include it in a portfolio or submit it as part of some sort of formal application. You use rather a lot of single quotes, like I do. You want to be sure that complies with the writing style conventions on your campus.

So there, I've done it. I hope you find the suggestions useful. I'd be privileged to read your next draft.

-Sue

PS Although I didn't fill in the checklist, you might find it useful so I've attached it below. 

Hi Hillarie,

I've been thinking for days about how to respond to your draft. When I read it the first time, all I could think was: "WOW. This woman has told a compelling story. I really want to meet her." This is exactly what you want your TPS to do. The statement as a whole reflects the WHY's that you've summed up in the last paragraph. 

But then I came to what's hard for me: pointing out areas for improvement without sounding heavy-handed or didactic. I've spent all night working on a checklist which depersonalizes that process a little, but I want to start by saying what I feel is needed to strengthen this TPS.

First, you have given me the feeling of what it would be like to be taught by you (I think it would be wonderful), but I don't really know what being in your class would be like in terms of teaching or assessment methods. The draft is lacking in concrete (some say specific) details and examples needed to show me how your facilitation of learning and your use of discussion and technology (for example) are different from the way other teachers handle them.  You might go through your draft, listing all the different things you say you do and value (in general terms). Cluster them in terms of the goals they help you meet. Then think of a specific example that would show me how these are handled in your classes. That would help me gain insight into how you 'walk your talk'. I don't just want to know your destination and map route; I want to see the most interesting or relevant parts of the journey through your eyes. 

For example: In the paragraph that starts "I see my role in the classroom as a facilitator." instead of following up with more general statements, share an example of your content which would show me that you've made it accessible, interesting and relevant, instead of using descriptors that could mean one thing for me but another for you. 

A few other things ...

As you became more and more enthusiastic in your flow of ideas, the thoughts seemed to bounce around. Working on 2-3 sub-themes could help with that. There is an absence of references which TPS readers usually want to see. If you came to your current style through experience and experimentation, sat that. If there are influential readings, research, or role models that shaped your teaching, giving them credit is expected.  Finally, your writing style drew me into your story and left me almost breathless, but to create that effect, you've evolved a sort of verbal short hand in some spots. A TPS is personal in voice but formal in style in that it should conform to the conventions of sentence structure and so forth -- without becoming pedantic or academic-sounding. 

I hope this helps. I have not filled in the checklist because I think you might get further if you do it yourself. I have attached it for you. There's also a new reference to a process called 'reverse outlining' in the Moodle which you might prefer. 

I also hope I've made clear that I loved reading your piece. Thank you for giving me the privilege of reviewing it.  I'd be most interested in seeing the next iteration.

-Sue

First I want to thank all of you who've shared your work. It's been a privilege to read it. Sylvia has done some reviewing, and I will follow suit tonight.

There's still time to join the discussion in the Open Forum or to share a draft of a new or older version of your TPS. Even if you're not at that stage, I hope you'll still jump in. Your feedback on the statements that have been posted would be most welcome. If your first draft is already up, you can learn a lot by applying a rubric or a checklist to give feedback to a colleague. From a writer's point of view, the wider the range of perspectives one receives, the more one has to think about during the revision process. 

Next, I want to apologize for being late with this announcement. I've been using the 'feedback' I've been receiving from reading your fist drafts to make some revisions and additions to Tabs 4a  (Self Check) & 4b (Give and Get Feedback).  Some of this content should have appeared in the Compose section, but it could still be useful to guide the revision process. 

Finally, I'm asking for your help. I haven't done a great job of providing information about improving writing mechanics as was requested by several participants in the pre-course survey. I've been thinking that crowd sourcing could be the way to go. I've set up a Google Doc with instructions at https://docs.google.com/document/d/12nuvd_IwSFRMfDkUgohUrRELwbGWoUbJH4mtm52u3D0/edit and am asking for your contributions. You can either share an error that drives you nuts (with a 'fix') or a question about some point of grammar that has you confused. After the course, I'll compile these into a Google Slides presentation and share the link with all. 

That's all for tonight.

PS. If anyone would like to collaborate with a 'grammar maven', please message me or reply here or below your TPS.  I'd be more than happy to help.