I am interested specifically in how dialogue takes place and would like some insight into how we can access people's underlying assumptions without explicitedly asking for them necessarily. We may not be able to state them clearly anyway. Secondly, I am wondering how we can encourage to withhold judgment in dialogue without being critical and too assertive about it.
Thanks,
Quirien
These are very good issues to raise, Quirien. How difficult it is for us all to prevent our own biases and opinions to colour our interpretation of what others are saying.
Throughout the symposium there were examples of the ways in which educators are engaging in dialogue with learners and of course with each other. It became clear that there are as many ways of facilitating dialogue as there are participants. As an adult educator, I embrace the principles of dialogue education described by Jane and Marian, but I'm still thinking about how those principles apply with younger learners.
What are your thoughts?
Thank you. I think so often people do not purposely speak with judgment, but it is hidden and not always obvious. Even the words we choose are coloured and expresses certain biases and worldviews. People are often not even aware of it. Assumptions are burried deep and take time to bring to the forefront. It takes time and careful examination. Without making it an overwhelming process are there some ways to bring it up non-judgmentally and with a gentle touch. Part of dialogue education is to get at the conflict and then "real" dialogue can happen, but how do we uncover assumptions that we are not even aware of half the time.
Quirien
Hi, Quirien:
As I read through your thoughts I am reminded of a couple of ideas that seem to be percolating which I would like to share in point form as perhaps a way to enter into dialogue. No answers ....only emerging thoughts.
1. Dialogue requires perhaps a re-thinking / a shift in perception of relationship and language.
2. There is a partnership between listening and speaking in Dialogue. Each informs the other. How one listens informs how one speaks. How one speaks informs how one listens.
3. The word judgment....how might we unpack it in the context of Dialogue? Assumptions, biases, worldviews..../or a temporary stance. A stance which informs our opinions/offerings/questions....a stance that always is at an intersection willing to being transformed, or deepen as distinguished from holding onto a fixed position.
4. Invitational language....language that invites inquiry ...inquiry that arises through a deep desire to understand the other as distinguished from convincing the other of 'my' way of thinking. A willingness to be transformed, a letting go. As Carl Rogers suggested listening is about being with another in a way that for the time being, you lay aside your own views and values in order to enter anothers world without prejudice. In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself while the other is speaking.
5. Uncovering assumptions....how might one bring attention to underlying assumptions? I think it was Sam Keen who suggested that we can only tell who we are when someone is listening. A movement of listening, if you will, is the art of receptivity. Receiving, being present to, and letting go. We receive the other, fully present, and then let go, in order to receive again. This shifts listening from a transactional exchange, whereby I listen only to get something, into a way of intentionally being with another in the hope of understanding ...an understanding that is embodied and not solely in our heads. Where we become transformed, shifting perceptions, moving from conversation to communion and back again, over and under and around....pushing through ego into a synergy of universality.
6. To move through conflict and into Dialogue I am beginning to understand requires inner practice. For how can one have a courageous conversation with another if one can not have a courageous conversation with one's self? Much of what fascinates me about this work, as I am coming to understand it, is that it isn't limited to learning a particular method, skills or even intellectual understanding. It also demands that we start to shift perceptions about our relationships in light of quantum theory and to bring attention to what lives within us as well as outside of us.
No answers.....just some ruminations!
Meg
Meg,
Thanks you for your percolations and ruminations. This could not have come at a better time. I have had some real ups and downs with this now "famous" or "infamous" gited program. It has been a real rollercoaster this week. I have had to practice some of the suggestions posed by you. Living, or mostly working, alone creates lots of oportunity for silent dialogue with oneself, maybe sometimes too much if that is ever possible. I certainly had to listen to a lot lately and struggle with it. Believing in justice and weighing everything carefully back and forth, the libra in me I guess, makes this all the much harder. There is just so much miscommunication around me, especially at work, that these principles guide me in some many ways already, but your gentle and broadening outlook helps. It is just frustrating when others are not in that same space or do not think about each other's stance or take or have the time to. I have been struggling with this incongruent space for so long, it "seems" that I am the one that is letting go and others waltz right over me. Let's see what tomorrow brings when this conversation about how the gifted program should be run under all the imposing circumstances from ministry to adminstration to lots more variables at 7:30 am in the morning! Time for some sleep. Thanks for your emerging thoughts, Meg.
Quirien
Quirien, you are so right about underlying judgments and assumptions. I do exercises with my students (and myself) around the language and assumptions of judgement. They are difficult to identify in ourselves and, like anything worth having, take continuous practice to master.
I use material from Marshall Rosenberg's Non-Violent Communication and other material on conflict and mediation. Marshall Rosenberg uses the metaphor of jackal speech (shaming, blaming, criticizing, name calling, etc.) and giraffe speech (loving, compassionate, etc.). There's lots of good stuff out there and you can use the website links for Compassionate communication to find some of it.
I also try to practice and teach positive/constructive feedback skills and have students practice giving each other and me constructive feedback that speaks to specific observable behaviours, takes personal responsibility for how I/they are feeling or thinking about that behaviour, and suggests some different behaviours the individual receiving teh feedback can try. I think Jane and Marian talked a bit about that kind of feedback, as well.
I type all of my feedback on student assignments so I can go back and proof read for the tone and helpfulness of my comments before I give it to them.
Ava
Ava,
Thank you for these suggestions. I am not familiar with these materials and will look into it soon.
Quirien
